Are you more or less hopeful than at the start of 2024?
I’m neutral. Looking back at all the emojis I’ve used this year it’s about half 😀 to 50% 💩.
What do you think the world got right this year?
It managed to spin in the right direction but that’s about it. If it got that wrong we’d all go back in time and they’d have to uninvent the air fryer. And then we’d be back to having air and fryers as two separate entities.
What do you think the world got wrong this year?
I think 2024 will be remembered as the year we reached peak gilet.
Did you get Oasis tickets?
No. Not for me. The tickets are too expensive for a gig that people are just going to stare at through their phones. You may as well just watch it on YouTube and throw plastic cups of lager at yourself.
What is your cultural highlight of 2024 – book, film, podcast, TV show, live event, radio moment?
That short video clip of the woman who got pulled up by the shop opening shutter – thank god she was OK because it made it acceptable to laugh at.
What would your browsing history say about you this year?
That I’m thinking of buying a heat pump. Which is like a massive air fryer for the side of your house.
What’s your biggest failure this year?
I tried to have a Brat summer but the weather wasn’t good enough. So I’m having a Brat autumn instead.
What’s the one conversation you wish you were able to have in 2024?
I’d like to have been able to talk to Lord Lucan. See if he’s alive and drag him through the courts.
What is the oddest family Christmas tradition you keep?
I don’t do much for Christmas. Me mate Paul and me meet for a Baileys and then we sit in silence till Boxing Day.
What’s your big issue for 2025?
Everything’s going so badly that I’m planning on signing up for cryogenics next year. Paul put me on to it. He signed up years ago. If he thinks he’s about to die I have to lop his head off and stick it in the fridge until the experts arrive. I’ve cleaned out a salad drawer in preparation, but it means I have to keep lettuce on a normal shelf now, so it’s not as simple as they make out.
Philomena Cunk’s Cunk on Life is on BBC Two in December.
The World According to Cunk is out now in hardback (John Murray, £16.99). You can buy it from the Big Issue shop on bookshop.org, which helps to support Big Issue and independent bookshops.
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