‘Nobody should be alone’: Loneliness at Christmas is on the rise – here’s a great way to change that

Whether it’s working from home or many aspects of life moving online, people are meeting in person less and less. Over the years Big Issue has talked about a growing loneliness epidemic, but usually in relation to older generations. At the forefront of the crisis, however, are young people, with 16- to 24-year-olds more likely to be lonely than any other age group. 

According to government research, more than a third of young people say they feel lonely often, always, or some of the time. This may seem surprising. Young people are considered the best-connected generation ever, with 24/7 channels of communication and new ways of meeting people, including dating apps and social media. But living online more than any other age group means they’re also on the frontline of changes driving people apart.

This is brought into sharp focus at Christmas time, when loneliness spikes and 17% of people feel more isolated.

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“Christmas is an especially difficult time, because it’s when people come together,” explains Professor Andrea Wigfield, director at the Centre for Loneliness Studies at Sheffield Hallam University and the Campaign to End Loneliness. The ultra-social season of office parties and visits from long-lost relatives can reinforce a feeling of isolation for those not able or used to seeing others. Breaking the cycle of loneliness, even for a short period like Christmas, can be difficult. 

“To reduce or prevent loneliness you need to have meaningful relationships,” says Wigfield, adding that online bonds are never as meaningful as in-person ones. “When you meet someone in person for the first time, you can see body language, you can get a perception of that person which you can’t get online. You lose those vitally important first impressions. [Apps] can be used as a tool if you use them carefully, but they shouldn’t replace face-to-face contact.”

This need for in-person connections has led to a wave of innovative solutions. TimeLeft is an app that connects over 16,000 strangers for dinner every week across 300 cities in 65 countries. It starts with a personality test asking simple questions like: Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you like discussing the news? The app matches users with a small group of like-minded people who gather for dinner at a restaurant on a Wednesday at 7pm. The only information users receive about the other participants before arriving are their nationalities, occupations and star signs. No names. No pictures. 

Rather than putting people off, this is what’s made TimeLeft so successful, according to founder and CEO Maxime Barbier. “People love TimeLeft because we are not online,” he says. “In the app there is nothing [after the personality test]. There is nobody to talk to, no chat, no videos.”

For many, the idea of meeting a group of strangers is daunting, particularly from a safety perspective, but Barbier insists that “we’ve had nothing bad happen”, and that it’s much safer than the alternatives. All diners gather in groups, never pairs, and there’s no risk of fake profiles, as everybody is meeting in person. 

• ‘For people alone at Christmas, it offers a community’: The wonderful projects taking on loneliness
• Loneliness is nothing new – but modern life is making it worse

The causes of loneliness are different for everyone. But is meeting strangers through an app really the best remedy? There was only one way to find out…

After a wave of nauseous paranoia, I stepped into the mid-market city-centre restaurant. I was immediately greeted with a barrage of handshakes, names, and questions. If anyone was nervous, they hid it well. 

The conversation started with chat about work, holidays and the food, before starting to prod at the reasons why we’d all ended up at the table.  

The explanations were many. The workaholic who had become consumed by his job and lost touch with his friends; the divorcee whose friends were busy with marriage and kids; the serial traveller who’d been grounded by a climbing accident; the married woman who wanted to meet new people. 

Nobody explicitly mentioned loneliness. They didn’t need to. The main, and probably only, thing everyone had in common was a shared desire for human connection.

As the night progressed, so did the depth of conversation, to an extent. How much would you pay for an Oasis ticket? The workaholic paid £1,000. Did anyone want kids? No. What did we think of Donald Trump? Nobody was willing to risk a strong view.  

The conversation was laced with hints of life’s problems – romantic, financial and familial. Nobody bared all, but everybody offered enough to build friendly understanding and respect. 

We left the restaurant with smiles and hugs, high on the thrill of meaningful human connection. We didn’t exchange contact details, but the app allows you to private message others later, if you both agree.

Soon, the biggest meet-up event of its kind is being planned for Christmas Day. Barbier has got an ambitious plan to book out entire restaurants for big groups in most cities instead of the usual small gatherings. He says, “Nobody should be alone on Christmas Day. Even if you’re lonely or you don’t live close to your family there will be a table waiting for you with people in the same situation.”

Find out more at TimeLeft’s website or on their app. And tell us about plans to tackle social isolation at Christmas in your area via letters@bigissue.com

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