Pete White, who was deployed to Afghanistan in 2011. Image: Supplied
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Fireworks light up the dark autumnal nights in spectacular displays. But as crowds gather in awe, Pete White is catapulted back to Afghanistan and the worst moments of his life. He is suddenly surrounded by the explosive sounds of war. He faces panic attacks. He can dissociate.
“The entire month of November can be a write-off,” the 36-year-old veteran says. “I’m much less productive. I’m on a short fuse. I’m always waiting for fireworks to start. It can make you sick and give you symptoms of a stomach bug. That can last for an entire month. On the more grim end of things, I can have a PTSD episode. My experience can be panic attacks.
“I might dissociate where I completely zone out. I am just not there. You can’t talk to me or get my attention. What you find is a constantly heightened state of wondering what’s going to happen and constantly being reminded of the worst points of my life. And my symptoms are actually mild compared to others. If what I go through sounds bad, it’s nothing compared to other people.”
A campaign is calling for people to register their fireworks displays so that veterans and others with PTSD can be notified. It is led by barrister Jasmine Skander, who specialises in clinical negligence with a specific focus on military injury. Many of the veterans she represents have experienced PTSD following service in Iraq and Afghanistan.
“I have read statement after statement talking about fireworks and how difficult it is in November and in the run up to Christmas when the fireworks go up,” Skander explains. “Sometimes people are recovering quite well and then the fireworks start in November and they deteriorate and it takes them until Spring to get back on their feet again.”
White is hugely supportive of Skander’s register. “It is a very simple thing and a very powerful thing. If I know when [the fireworks] start, it’s not an instant reaction of warfare, it’s the knowledge that it’s fireworks. And that is incredibly important. This shouldn’t be just a little private initiative. I believe it should be adopted at government level.”
White was deployed to Afghanistan as a member of the Royal Air Force (RAF) in 2011 and spent five months there. His most difficult time was working in casualty reporting, which involved spending hours wading through videos and pictures of British servicemen being killed and injured.
“That had a significant impact on me,” he explains. “I became suicidal. I had an attempt on my life in 2014. I had a period of psychosis. I was self-harming. Then I left the military in 2017 under medical discharge for PTSD and depression.”
White having happy times with his son. Image: Supplied
White is now much better and using his experiences to help others as a mental health consultant and writing books for kids to help them understand their emotions. But fireworks have the potential to take him back to his darkest moments.
“It is really unpredictable how things are going to go,” White says. “It could effectively make me bed-bound the entire day, and I will have to cancel a workshop and lose quite a lot of money. And as it gets closer to the 5th, things tend to get worse.
“In the evenings, I can’t relax. I sit on the sofa with the TV on with noise cancelling headphones and just keeping my brain occupied. I find it quite hard to be present with my wife and my son.”
He could be up all night and in no fit state to drive the following day – meaning he is missing out on more work. “It is not uncommon that I basically have the shits for a few days after because of the sheer level of cortisone in my body,” he adds.
Skander has an instinct to protect veterans from facing such traumatic experiences for months on end. “It is just madness, isn’t it? Everybody wears poppies. Everybody cares about the veterans. We are all so lucky that we’ve not experienced war but nobody has connected that these fireworks that you’re letting off sound exactly like war.”
Remembrance Day is approaching and then there is Christmas, times when people remember those they have lost and left behind.
“So many people with PTSD and military people end up homeless and losing their family and then moving into a new year, remembering and becoming very distressed,” Skander says. “And then they have this constant banging that they can’t predict.”
Bonfire night on Herne Hill, South London. Image: Unsplash
Skander is not attempting to ban fireworks or make people feel guilty. She just wants people to register their displays so people with PTSD can be properly equipped to cope. “I want people to know that fireworks do sound like war and it can affect people with PTSD quite badly. Why don’t we just give everybody a choice? If you register it, then you know that anybody in your area who suffers with PTSD can make a choice. You are actually empowering and respecting veterans.”
White agrees. “I don’t think it’s realistic to ban fireworks. I want my son to enjoy them when he’s old enough. But at the same time, is it realistic and is it kind to expect veterans and other people with PTSD to spend an entire month and into December and New Year on edge and unable to function? A lot of people really struggle with paranoia and depression.”
It is not just veterans who will be helped but refugees and others who have experienced trauma. “A negative reaction of fireworks goes beyond the military,” White says. “There’s so many people out there who have faced abuse or have faced traumatic events. They might have had an injury from fireworks or lost pets due to fireworks. These negative experiences impact these people just as much as a veteran who has been to war.”
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