Adolescence is a powerful wake-up call about what’s happening to our sons online

Adolescence has captured everyone’s attention. Everywhere we go – whether in professional circles, on social media, or chatting with family – people want to talk about it. 

Co-written by Jack Thorne and Stephen Graham, this groundbreaking Netflix series paints a stark picture of boyhood. It’s difficult to watch 13-year-old Jamie’s loneliness, the bullying he faces at school, the way his struggles are mishandled by adults – yet, for too many boys, this is familiar. 

These boys are in pain: they’re searching for answers, for places where they belong. Often, they turn to the internet. Instead of finding mentorship and support, they find themselves in the orbit of online personalities and ‘communities’ with nothing to offer but hate. Their loneliness is inflamed into resentment, often directed towards women.

In extreme cases, radicalised boys plan their revenge. In this case, Jamie murders Katie. 

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Boys aren’t born misogynists

Jamie’s murder of Katie may be an extreme example of misogynistic violence, but it’s not unprecedented – and misogynistic violent crimes are not isolated incidents, but rather one expression of endemic misogyny in our society. 

Ofsted highlighted the alarming levels of harassment that girls face in schools, including unwanted sexual touching, name-calling and image-based abuse. 

Adolescence doesn’t only depict the horror of Katie’s murder, but traces the buildup of misogynistic ideas as Jamie is radicalised. 

Boys and young men aren’t born misogynists. Adolescence makes it clear how these ideas take hold – often, it begins with frustration, disconnection and a lack of meaningful guidance. Jamie begins by feeling worried about being “ugly” and ashamed that he’s not good at sport. Before long, he resents girls as the reason for his chronic isolation. 

Without intervention, frustration and resentment can prime boys for radicalisation. What’s more, social media algorithms, designed to maximise engagement, rapidly funnel young men into extremist content. Vulnerable boys who are socially excluded and searching for answers might be particularly susceptible to this pipeline.

Research shows that what starts as self-improvement or entertainment content can quickly give way to extreme misogyny: from a video about making friends by improving your looks, to one about how women are naturally shallow and so deny men their ’right’ to sex and love. Before long, boys are internalising extreme misogyny, including incel ideologies. 

Adolescence shows how entwined these ideas are with mainstream youth culture: young people at Jamie’s school bully their ‘ugly’ or uncool peers in Instagram comments with coded emojis referring to incel ideas. Few of these young people understand themselves as incels, but they’re using the language to taunt one another, unwittingly pushing their peers closer toward alignment with incel culture. 

The role of schools, families and communities

After 12 years working in this field, it’s encouraging to see so many people catching up to this conversation. But we need to be careful about how we frame the issue. 

Fear-based narratives about “ticking time-bombs” or “toxic masculinity” don’t help – they only push boys deeper into shame. Adolescence gives us clues about what must change. 

Often, the responsibility to address these challenges is left to schools – yet teachers are already overburdened. At Beyond Equality, we deliver teacher training and workshops for boys in schools every day: we know teachers want to tackle these issues, but they don’t have enough hours in the day. This work takes time to embed and requires deep understanding of the underlying issues. Schools need funding to invest in staff training and draw on expert support so that they can meaningfully address emotional literacy, media literacy and relationship skills. 

Jamie’s dad, Eddie, is a great example of the challenges parents and carers are up against. He’s trying to be there for his son, but he’s a working-class dad who has to put food on the table: he misses the signs that Jamie needs help in the bustle of the everyday and long hours on the job. 

By turns a joker who keeps his family laughing and a vulnerable, sometimes volatile presence who struggles to regulate his own emotions, Stephen Graham’s character, like many men, tries and fails to attune to his son. We see Eddie struggle to comfort Jamie in a holding cell, and Jamie’s pain when he describes how his dad would “just look away” when he missed a goal at football. At several points in the series, Eddie asks if he’s to blame – but he couldn’t have taught Jamie what he himself had never been taught. 

Parents and caregivers must be equipped to have honest conversations with their boys. Dads in particular need support to envisage how they’ll show up for their sons in ways nobody did for them.

Rethinking masculinity

Part of the power of Adolescence lies in its recognition that misogynist radicalisation is poisoning boys, too. The consequences of misogyny fall upon women and girls, but boys who are pulled in by these ideologies are trapped inside a version of masculinity that isolates them and keeps them stuck in rage and despair. 

The point is not to prescribe a new fixed way of being masculine, it’s to get people to consider whether the version of masculinity they were sold works for them and the people around them – does it lead to good outcomes and you being the happiest, healthiest version of yourself? If not, then we have some thinking to do! Ben Hurst

In our workshops with boys and young men, we see that they crave real conversations about the world they’re learning to live in: they don’t want to be lectured, but they’re open to compassionate challenge. 

Adolescence sends a powerful message, one we live by at Beyond Equality: boys won’t be boys – they will be what we support them to be.

It’s not prison or punitive discipline that offers boys hope – it’s the adults in their lives who take the time to connect and try to understand them. 

We need to tell young men: “It’s understandable that you’re in pain, but it’s never OK to take that pain out on others. We’re going to help you find better outlets.” 

That message has to come from families, friends, communities and schools – but it’s also needed from our public figures and media. If we invest in this now, we can create a future where boys grow up to participate in healthy, safe, equitable communities. 

Adolescence is a wake-up call. The time to act is now.

Dr Daniel Guinness is the managing director, and Holly Green is the head of impact, quality and learning at Beyond Equality.

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