One step forwards, two steps back. That’s how I walked home from primary school. Even the slowest kid overtook me long before I was halfway, and I was sad to miss He-Man but not so bothered about Blue Peter. This way, I could make half a mile last two hours before finally putting my hand on the door handle of the flat my wee sister and me now lived in with our Mum and her new man.
No matter how much I stayed in my room, in my books, I couldn’t avoid him. I took a deep breath before opening the door and held it until next morning – dreaded weekends and holidays, wished school was every day. The fear wasn’t worse than his fists but at least when he was hitting me I didn’t have to anticipate it any more. Always, always the terror of not knowing – what I was supposed to have done, what he would do next.
Right now, we are living through an age of uncertainty. House of Cards seems almost quaint, the news lifted from Homeland. I haven’t felt this anxious since I was a child, and I’ve never know so many people genuinely fear for their jobs, homes, hard-fought freedoms. Those most scared are those who have least power, who have had to fight hardest for what they’ve got. It’s business as usual for those enjoying six-figure privilege. It is women who are marching on their capitals, not men.
Many feel dragged towards a destination they have not chosen, even those who voted for it
With Trump’s inauguration and the looming triggering of Article 50, many feel dragged towards a destination they have not chosen, even those who voted for it. An ITV Wales/Cardiff University YouGov poll found Welsh voters would now vote Remain by 53 per cent if there was another referendum (Wales voted Leave by 52.5 per cent). But we cannot take even one step back. Our new uncertainty is fuelled day to day, month to month and, with Trump, tweet to tweet.
Brexit means Brexit but what does it mean today? Will you need a visa to go camping in France next summer? Will the British Bill of Human Rights value all humans equally? Will house prices crash? Will the trains ever run again? Don’t ask Prime Minister Maybe.
Donald Trump, now known as the President of the United States, received the endorsement of the KKK and only eight per cent of the black vote but denies being racist. Will he build his wall? Will he deport you and your family? Will China upgrade the impending trade war? Will we all be fired?
Every time we get close to an answer we’re hit with another question. Keeping us anxious stops us acting. This constant uncertainty takes a toxic toll.