I fled Sri Lanka after surviving torture. This is how food and family helped me rebuild my life

Memory loss is a common symptom for those who have experienced torture. I don’t even remember much about the long and difficult journey we took to find sanctuary in the UK. When Sri Lanka descended into violence it was like a nightmare that we couldn’t wake up from.

I knew I had no choice but to flee, and I was forced to leave my two sons behind. I can’t describe how painful it was saying goodbye to them, hoping that we would be reunited as soon as possible.

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But there are lots of memories of Sri Lanka that I do remember and like to think about, like sitting in my father’s restaurant and seeing people from all different faiths and backgrounds eating together. Or remembering how my mother showed me how to make curry powder from scratch and, later, teaching my own sons how to cook our cherished family recipes. These memories are very dear to me. But when I first arrived in the UK, I couldn’t even remember the recipe for Sri Lankan hibiscus rice. I remember just staring at the pots and pans, wondering what to do next.

When I got to the UK, I hardly spoke a word of English. The next few years were so hard. I was referred to Freedom from Torture, an organisation that supports torture survivors to rebuild their lives in the UK, and over time, miraculously, I was able to make sense of my life once more. My therapist made me feel safe and encouraged me to join the baking group with other survivors.

Cooking and baking unlocked something in me. Simply gathering around food helped me out of my shell. I was still terrified of strangers, but joining this group encouraged me to start talking again by getting the confidence to ask simple questions like ‘where’s the butter’, ‘could you pass the sugar?’, and ‘how are you?’. Smells brought back memories of comfort and home. I also met other people with remarkable life stories, people who were going through similar things to me.

The baking group inspired me to follow in my parent’s footsteps and become a chef.

Since then, I’ve been to a cooking school that specialises in supporting refugee chefs, I’ve trained in top hotel kitchens, and now I’m a featured chef at the refugee cafe Trampoline in Mayfair. I’ve also run online cooking courses, baked bread at the Chelsea Flower Show, and sold a range of my Sri Lankan curry powders.

My newfound confidence soon rubbed off on my youngest son who, because he was under 18, was able to join me in the UK on a family reunion visa. He was the first to taste the food that I began making again. In this time, he started college and made new friends. But for so many years my eldest son remained trapped in Sri Lanka. It took what felt like a lifetime and was a very distressing time, but finally I was travelling to Heathrow airport to bring him home. It’s impossible to put into words how special that moment was for me, and how it feels now that he’s safe and we’re finally reunited as a family.

For the last few years, I’ve also been part of Feast – Freedom from Torture’s annual cooking festival attended by thousands of people. Here, we eat incredible food and celebrate different cultures. It feels amazing to raise money for the charity that has supported me for so long – every penny raised goes towards providing vital therapy for other survivors like me. And this year was no different. I was so proud to yet again join a team of incredible world class chefs and cook some of my favourite Sri Lankan recipes, many of which are linked to stories of family, survival, and hope.

I’ve slowly been able to recover and rebuild my life in the UK and I’m so happy to see my sons settled – they’re even going to have the chance to study at top universities in London. There are still times when halfway through making my special aubergine curry I have to stop to take it all in. We’re all under the same roof again, eating from the same table. And that’s something I’ll never take for granted.

Nafa is a survivor chef at Freedom from Torture.

If you would like to try making Nafa’s food, Recipes from Home cookbook features recipes and stories from survivors of torture alongside stars from the culinary world including Big Zuu, Angela Hartnett and others. 100% of the proceeds from the book will go to Freedom from Torture.

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