It feels like we’ve been living in the middle aisle of Lidl for quite a long time now. We’ve been besieged by lots of random and seemingly unconnected things that change with no warning, and there is really no way of predicting what’s coming next.
One day someone throws a potato masher and a trampoline at us, the next we find ourselves drowning under a job lot of Neoprene sleeping bags and Rita Ora hairdryers. The only thing we know for sure is that this change is constant and relentless, and that one day we can be riding high, holding a leaf blower endorsed by Arnold Schwarzenegger, and the next, rolling around on the floor with one fake Croc and a toilet brush.
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We must have become inured to this unpredictability, because Brits have developed an absurd affection for Lidl that seems unlikely to ever diminish. Obviously, one reason for its success is that it’s cheap and we actually can’t survive without it any more. But the major draw seems to be its randomness. In fact, it’s so random that it makes you feel like you’ve taken ayahuasca in the desert with a Mexican shaman.
Add some smart PR moves, such as unlikely celeb collabs and branded trainers, and Lidl has been elevated from a depressing German budget supermarket to a cultural icon. And what do we do with cultural icons? Why, we make boring documentaries about them, of course!
Well, something has to explain the current proliferation of Lidl-themed TV shows. The other night I watched an extremely tedious Channel 5 show called Lidl: Middle Aisle Secrets & More. Then I went on Netflix, and in at number three in the charts was a full-length documentary called 24 Hours in Lidl, which seemed to be the SAME SHOW, but longer and with more talking heads discussing snooze-worthy subjects like pricing structure and retail psychology.