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Opinion

Poetry is perfect for my ADHD mind – one that is after endless dopamine hits

Robin Ince is performing at his first poetry festival proper and ‘can smell the brimstone of imposter syndrome’

Arriving in Selby a few hours before the show, I take my normal route of wandering without destination. I arrive in streets that have signs asking for quiet and put my crisps away for fear of crunching into resident fury. 

I photograph chipped paint and doors that interest me and come across a corner house that intrigues. As I look, Paul calls out. He lives a few doors down and is packing his car. 

“Want to know what that is? Used to be the ticket office of the Hippodrome. They all played there, George Formby, Rita Hayworth…”

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He tells me it burned down halfway through a film and there are dreams of rebuilding it and opening it up with a screening of that film that starts at the precise moment the celluloid melted. Paul tells me a little of his family and how he believes his autism and ADHD enhances his fascination with local history. He returns to packing the boot of his car and I keep walking to nowhere in particular, enhanced by our five-minute friendship. 

In Morecambe, I become a poet. 

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This is my first poetry festival proper and I can smell the brimstone of imposter syndrome. Since May, I have written between one and 10 poems every day. They arrive manically and I hastily scribble in my exercise book. It is an exciting new turn of events. Every morning I wake up and think, “Will there be a poem in me today and what will it be about?”

It is perfect for my frame of mind, one that is after endless dopamine hits. The idea comes, you find the words and unsteady rhythms and, often, when you have finished you start to understand some thought or experience anew. At my gig, the punk-poet legend Attila the Stockbroker is in the front row. To see him nod and smile is a delight. 

One important lesson learned when performing as a poet is “check the stage light beforehand”. For much of the gig, I think I looked like Donald Pleasance pretending he could see a pin. I chat to many afterwards and, much like that first comedy gig where everything clicked three decades ago, I have an excited feeling of a new road built to different possibilities. If more excitingly, I am given my poetic licence which entitles me to “unlimited acts of poetry, spoken word and song”. 

On the seafront on Sunday, I sit and stare at the empty ice cream van and gulls arguing over rotten bacon. The day before, I visited Carnforth, the station location of the classic film Brief Encounter. It was my mother’s birthday yesterday too. She was a fan of that film and these thoughts combine. In later days, her dementia that was only diagnosed on death certificate made films too hard, but instead, there was one sitcom she adored. And this was my scribble as the gulls squabbled. 

Rising Damp still does it 

She laughs like a drain

Same episodes 

Over and over again

Not enough recall for detectives now 

But Rossiter’s Rigsby brings her close

to asthma 

Oddly, as she increasingly forgets 

Her breathing difficulties slip her mind 

Barely able to walk by day 

At night, in the mental dusk between

sleep and wake 

She takes herself to the bathroom 

With fully functioning joints 

Though consciousness will stiffen

her again 

Knees disappoint, resolve resigns 

And then another darkness falls 

Like a child, emotions are binary 

Joy or despair 

Until we press play again 

And Rossiter’s Rigsby is there 

Robin Ince is a comedian, broadcaster and poet.His book Bibliomaniac (Atlantic Books, £10.99) is out now. You can buy it from The Big Issue shop on Bookshop.org, which helps to support The Big Issue and independent bookshops.

Do you have a story to tell or opinions to share about this? Get in touch and tell us more. Big Issue exists to give homeless and marginalised people the opportunity to earn an income. To support our work buy a copy of the magazine or get the app from the App Store or Google Play

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