After a rough decade or so, I’m keeping my expectations extremely low for TV in 2025. Call me pessimistic, but I think if we can all get through this year without having to build a bunker stocked with Morrison’s Savers tinned soup and Duracell batteries, it’ll have been a success.
But look on the bright side. If that happens, either due to climate change, pandemic X, WW3, an alien invasion or a sentient AI robot army – there are going to be plenty of hours to kill, and that means lots of lovely end-of-days TV! So here are my top picks to watch through the gauze of your hazmat suit (some of which may be entirely made up).
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The Traitors
Ten accountants, an irritating massage therapist and a weird woman called Doris congregate in the lead lined basement of a remote Scottish country house. An avatar of Claudia Winkleman (the real Claudia has been evacuated to Mars with all the other celebs) tasks them to deceive each other, wear cloaks and sit around a large table bickering. Except this time the winner is the one who hasn’t been eaten by the other contestants. Too dark? Yes, it probably will be, as nobody can afford to pay the energy bills.
The Last of Us series two
This show used to be a dark and gruesomely entertaining thriller, which asked us to imagine the world after a mutant strain of fungus turns most of the population into zombies. Now, it feels more like a documentary, except instead of Pedro Pascal it’s the postman fighting his way through the rubble to deliver your new generator from Temu. Also, I’m really starting to relate to the possessed mushroom people – I’m pretty sure I saw a few of them when I was doing my Christmas shopping.
The White Lotus (tsunami edition)
What will become of the rich, smug tourists this season? One of its stars has already hinted that we should buckle up because things are going to get real – but just how real? As a long-time connoisseur of Below Deck, I know that climate change doesn’t spare the super-rich, and still regularly blows the starched tablecloths off their dining tables. So I’m betting that this time, the lobby of the Four Seasons in Thailand will be flooded by a freak storm, and the stellar cast will have to deliver their lines while floating in sewage.
