I wasn’t thinking of hopes, dreams and aspirations at 16. But I was already very, very much into writing songs. Since the age of 14, writing was the be all and end all for me. I didn’t buy records, I didn’t go to gigs, I didn’t follow pop stars – I don’t really have heroes. I have people I admire and think are exceptionally clever and remarkable but not heroes. I certainly didn’t have any at the age of 16. I was young and just enjoying life in Birmingham. I didn’t really have anything to complain about and, best of all, I could write my songs.
I was an incredibly shy young person. At my first performance [aged 16] all I was thinking about was making it through the performance. I never intended to be a performer. What I wanted to be was just a songwriter. But in order for people to hear the songs, I had to perform them, because then they’re not just in my head. The more you do that, the more you get used to it. When you stand on stage, everybody’s looking at you. But the good thing is that most of the time you can’t actually see the audience. You look out into blackness, and can maybe see the front row. Sometimes you literally see nothing, and that’s a good gig.
I’ve always been an observer. It’s not that I didn’t play when I was at school, but I did observe even then. I would be interested in how kids were with and around each other. I think many people who are shy are like that, because you’re standing back all the time. So it gives you an opportunity to look and see how people are. It has always fed into my work.
As I was becoming more known, people would be nervous to meet me. So you’d have two shy people trying to communicate and not doing it very well. I found in the end that I had to be the person to speak first and put people at ease. Otherwise, you’re just two idiots standing there.
I’ve always been good. I’ve never had any doubts about myself as a songwriter. I know this is going to sound strange but it was only after my second album that I really made up my mind that music was going to be my chosen career. I loved music but until then I was still making my mind up. I wasn’t encouraged or discouraged, I was just left to my own devices. I had no idea that I would go on to have this amazing career.
It never crossed my mind that I was any kind of trailblazer. I didn’t know I was breaking ground or being the first. Nothing like that was on my mind. All I was doing was writing as I wanted to. It was only years later when people started to write about my achievements that I was made aware of how I had forged a path. It wasn’t by design. I wasn’t saying, ‘Nobody is doing this, so I’ll do it.’ My younger self would be excited to learn about all of my songs and career achievements.