Leona Lewis: ‘I would tell young Leona, I see your pain and I feel you – but you’ll be OK’

Leona Lewis was born in Croydon in April 1985. She shot to fame after winning The X Factor in 2006, leading to a career that has seen her sell more than 35 million records worldwide, be nominated for two Grammys and seven Brit Awards, and reach number one in more than 35 countries with her 2007 hit “Bleeding Love”. She has since performed on Broadway (in CATS) and appeared as a judge on the global singing competition Queen of the Universe.

Lewis has also made her mark as a humanitarian and animal rights activist, working with organisations such as The Prince’s Trust, RED, MTV Staying Alive, Teenage Cancer Trust, Sports Relief, WWF, Humane Society, World Animal Protection and Hopefield Animal Sanctuary. 

In her Letter to My Younger Self, Leona Lewis opens up about early relationships, motherhood and finding her way after The X Factor.

At 16 I was most interested in music and boys. I went to the BRIT School. So around 16, it was kind of that transition into, do I want to go to college for music? Or should I think about just leaving and pursuing music on my own? So I was at a bit of a crossroads there. I also was in a relationship with a boy, my high-school sweetheart, and we were just about to break up. That was my first major, major heartbreak. You know when you’re 16, it’s your world. This was everything to me. So that heartache, I just remember it being so raw and very, very hard.

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I’ve always been very close to my mum and my dad. My mum grew up in a children’s home from when she was around five or six with her three brothers and sister. She and my dad made sure we had a very stable family base. My parents give me my couple goals. They’ve had their ups and downs, like every relationship. But as I’ve gotten older, and got married myself, I look at them and think, they’ve been together for almost 40 years. Insane. They just gave us love and understanding and compassion. And they’re still working on themselves to be more compassionate and loving. So they definitely were a very good example of a strong relationship.

I knew I wanted to sing when I was really young. I went to the Sylvia Young Theatre School when I was six. My mum was an aerobics instructor when she was younger, and she did ballet, so I would do her ballet classes when I was little. I loved singing and dancing but I think I really focused on singing when I was nine and a teacher asked the class, who do you think should do the solo in the school show? And everyone pointed to me. I was like, wow, what?! And I did it. And I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed the preparation and the rehearsal and the getting ready for it and going on stage. I felt a connection to everyone. 

I’d like to go back and tell my younger self that the world isn’t ending because my relationship is ending. I think that would really comfort her, because that was really painful for me. And I remember talking to older people, like aunts and stuff. And they would be understanding, but they would be like, oh, it’s fine. Get over it. You’ll see. But it didn’t feel like that in the moment. So I would tell young Leona, I see your pain, and I feel you, and I know this is awful right now. But you’ll be OK.

I’d tell the young Leona to filter out the noise of people commenting on how she looks. It’s hard because obviously at that age, how you look, what size you are, all these crazy things, they seem like they actually matter. Because that’s what people were talking about, especially when it came to young female singers. I came up in a time where we didn’t have any social media, but then in my late teens it started with MySpace, and then Facebook, and then Twitter. So it was bubbling up in my late teens. I would just like to protect my younger self from the scrutiny and the harsh comments from people.

Read more:

• X Factor star Grace Davies on music, mental health and Liam Payne: ‘I’m glad that show isn’t on now’
• James Arthur: ‘It’s too scary to even think about where I’d be if I didn’t do music’
• Will Young: ‘I worked out that nothing really matters, then found simplistic joy in everything’

I had grown up going to auditions so I just saw The X Factor as another audition. It was just another way to get experience, challenge myself. I in no way thought about the long game, or like, the possibility that I might win. Every step of the way I knew I was on the right path. But I would always find some excuse to doubt myself. Maybe that pushed me to be the best I could. When they did say my name [she won in 2006], it was like, shock, but also elation. It was unbelievable, really. 

I recorded an EP before The X Factor so I had an idea of what I wanted to do as an artist. But then I was catapulted into working with producers and songwriters and recording my own album. And I got this access to some really amazing producers. I did a showcase, and some songwriters and producers came down. I did a showcase with Clive Davis, who worked with Alicia Keys and Whitney Houston. So I would have access to people that I could only dream of. I think maybe people think that I just came off the show, and then you just go and record loads of songs. It wasn’t like that. I had to really work to make these people see what I could do.

I left SyCo [Simon Cowell’s production company] when I was ready to do something totally different and new. I’d been with them for a solid five or six years, and I was getting a bit like, I want to go in another direction. I want to try something different. And they were not on board with the direction I wanted to go in. I wanted to experiment more, work with different people that maybe they weren’t used to working with. Which is fair, we just had creative differences. At the time I felt really rocky because I’d been with them for so long, and I felt safe in their little bubble. But everything changes, and you have to get comfortable with that change. It was very scary for me to leave and go to another label. But it was also liberating.

I went back and forward a lot thinking about having kids. I did see my life with children. But when I was younger, about 20, I was like, yeah, I’m gonna have like five kids. Then as I got older, I was like, oh no, I’m not having five kids. Then in my mid-30s I was really weighing up the options – do I really want this? And then I truly felt my daughter calling me, in my heart, so deeply, and I just knew it was meant to be. When I had her [in 2022] everything changed. I’ve become a different person. It’s not even a new chapter, it’s a new book.

When I was 16 I saw 40 as old. I assumed it would be all downhill after that. But honestly, it gets better. It just gets better. I feel so much more secure. People’s opinions do not matter to me as much as they used to, which has freed me so much. I think we’re in a mental prison when we’re teens, and in our 20s, we get trapped worrying about all these judgments from people and all these societal pressures that keep us locked up. I really feel a freedom as I get older, that is something to really just relish.

I’m about to do a residency in Las Vegas. The first show I saw in Vegas was Celine Dion, and this was probably when I was about 21, 22 and I remember being absolutely blown away by her. I think in my mind Vegas has always been something that would be a massive, momentous place to get to in your career. 

I toured a couple of Christmases ago, after feeling very disconnected during Covid, and it was the first time I would meet people after shows – I’d have lots of people come in. I’d meet them, I’d talk to them, I’d sit with them. And honestly, the energy and the love that they gave me was quite overwhelming. And it just made me so happy, just to see people at the shows. I just felt so connected with everyone. So as soon as I came off that tour, I was like, I have to find a way to keep doing this again. And the Vegas thing came up, and I was like, this would be incredible.

If I could relive any moment in my life it would be the birth of my daughter. I was so worried throughout my whole pregnancy. It’s so weird, I was just so worried. For some reason, I was like, is she gonna be OK? And then when she came, when she was born, and I saw her and she was OK, it’s like the biggest relief. I can’t describe it. It was so amazing.

Leona Lewis’s holiday residency, A Starry Night, runs for 33 nights at Voltaire at the Venetian Resort, Las Vegas, 1 November-3 January. Tickets are on sale now from $75 (£56), and there’s also a VIP hotel package.

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