The Testaments star Ann Dowd: ‘How privileged can you get playing a character like Aunt Lydia?’

Ann Dowd was born in January 1956 in Holyoake, Massachusetts. She left medical school to pursue her love of acting and has since appeared in TV shows including House, The X-Files, NYPD Blue, Freaks And Geeks and The Leftovers. Her film work includes roles in The Manchurian Candidate, Philadelphia and Compliance.

In her Letter to My Younger Self, Dowd reflects on growing up, her love of acting and her roles in The Handmaid’s Tale and The Testaments.

At 16, I already loved acting. I was fully involved at school and enjoyed it immensely. I loved acting but did not realise you could do this with your life. To me, it was, of course, a hobby. Where I was raised, the way I was raised, you don’t choose an acting career as a life choice. It’s something you do on the side.

I’m one of seven kids so ours was a busy and very loving household. My mother had extraordinary strength and kindness. But my father was not well. So I was worried on a personal level. And that was a very large part of life. I didn’t know if he was going to be all right. I’ve never really shared that, but it was a big part of life.  

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I was listening to Joni Mitchell every day on the record player in my room. And I would also see whatever film was coming to town. When The Exorcist came out [in 1973], I remember being scared to death. I was raised Catholic, so I was thinking, oh my god, watch yourself! It even scared my dad.

I don’t know if this is too personal a story… but I remember coming home one day with the news that I had gotten the role of Adelaide in Guys and Dolls. I was ecstatic. But I came in and my mother was crying, and she was not a crier. She told me my father was ill and had two to four years to live.

Being a teenager, I was outspoken. I pushed back on authority, so I was at odds with my dad regularly. But when I got this news, I went upstairs, had a good cry, then told him I wanted to go to Holy Cross College, where he had been and which I had been resisting. He was thrilled. You’d think I had given him the keys to the kingdom. Then I said, I got one of the leads in Guys and Dolls. It was a beautiful seven minutes of my life with my dad where I had the chance to make up for things that had troubled him about my behaviour. Then we walked to the travel agency to get tickets for my parents’ trip to Antigua. And that’s where he died, six months later. So how grateful I was that I had the chance to say, I’m sorry and I love you.

In my senior year, I lost my dad and my roommate’s brother tragically drowned. The two of us held each other up. We lived with one another and just let the rest of the world do what they wanted. She was called Maribeth Wahle and I love her so to this day. I was going to be a doctor, preparing to apply to college as a pre-med. At the end of senior year, Maribeth said, do you really want to be a doctor? When I said I wanted to be an actor, she said, what are you waiting for?

When my acting teacher said you could do this, it was like a ticket to heaven. I did plays all through college, loving every minute. I got into the Goodman School of Drama [at DePaul University, Chicago] and told my mother. She’s so dear. She tried to dissuade me but then said, Do what you will. My grandmother, who was a beautiful person with a very strong faith, said, that’s just a hobby. But when I said, grandma, those are the gifts God gave me, she said, you’re absolutely right. To have family like that, I feel so lucky.

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You want to shove grief away but you can’t. You have to open up to it or you’re going to get in trouble. But I didn’t know what to do with my grief. If I could speak to my younger self, I’d say, darling, seek out therapy. Even though it was not done in the world I lived in. I’d say, get the help you need, don’t bury your grief.

I was terrified of auditioning. I used to be so scared I would make up words as I was auditioning – and you can’t do that! So I would say to my younger self, take a deep breath, don’t be afraid, and appreciate the gifts you’ve been given. Don’t go down the lane of fear.

I would tell my younger self to keep the love story alive. Value each role you get to play. Greet it with joy. Always travel the route of gratitude and when you’re not working, make sure you’re doing your breathing exercises and monologues in your bedroom so you don’t forget what you have or feel alienated from it.

In the first year of acting school, I was sitting in the green room and there was a guy standing at the bulletin board. I was looking at him and said, ‘That’s my husband.’ I’d never met him. He had a beard and I remember thinking, I don’t love the look, but he is my husband. Now we’ve been married 40 years. It took me a minute to convince him we were meant to be together, but I never had any doubts. We’ve had our ups and downs, but we are together and we are happy. I would say to people coming up in their lives, keep your heart open, know who you are, and choose wisely. He shaved the beard – it was for a role.

After acting school, I was on my way to wait tables in Chicago when I passed the premiere for About Last Night, starring Elizabeth Perkins. She was my classmate – and there she was in a limousine while I was off to wait tables. I was a wreck. When I got home, I sat on my porch – I was living with my husband, but we weren’t married yet – and said, when is something going to happen? Why is it taking so long? I was raging. But then I heard – and I promise this is true – a voice from deep in my gut that said, ‘You will be all right. You will be 56.’ And 56 is when Compliance happened, which took my career to a different place.

I was very scared before playing Tom Hanks’ sister in Philadelphia. My audition was a disaster. I did the scene the best I could, but I was dreadful. I went to call my manager to say sorry, but she told me they were very interested and I went in to read with Tom Hanks. I found out later I was chosen because I didn’t stand out in any way, I was like a regular person. I got it for being kind of mediocre in the audition! I couldn’t believe my good fortune.

Meryl Streep is astonishing. I couldn’t believe I would have scenes with her [in The Manchurian Candidate]. She talked to you like a regular person. Her humanity struck me so much. She was utterly lovely and, of course, did a beautiful job in the scene. Watching her work or making decisions to try it again a different way – talk about a phenomenal learning experience.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was working in a pet shop and we had no money. But I wasn’t worried. I knew it would work out. That’s another gift I was given, a positive outlook. So that’s when I would whisper in my younger self’s ear – darling, keep the faith. And you know who does that brilliantly? My daughter [Emily Arancio]. She has gone into the family trade and acts beautifully. She got a major film role upon leaving school, now she’s doing auditions, but hasn’t always gotten the job. She stays composed about it.

My father was Republican, my grandmother on my mother’s side was Democrat, so we got both sides of the story. It’s interesting, today, my brother, the one who took after my father and works at the insurance company the Dowd family founded, is Republican and his six siblings are Democrats. We were brought up paying attention but weren’t schooled one way or another. Our parents wanted us to be aware of what was going on in the world.

What happened to us – where are women’s rights going? What in the world is going on with Andrew Tate? And what has happened to our country? We have this lunatic in the White House – I don’t know another word for him. So how are we going to survive this? But young people are very smart and strong and are hip to what is going on. They have such strength and intelligence.

The Handmaid’s Tale came out of the living room and onto the streets. Women wear the costume of the handmaid on protests as a way of expressing our deep worries. Realising it was being used to try to do something positive in the world was astonishing. And how privileged can you get to have six seasons playing a character like Aunt Lydia? I’ve loved playing her through such profound change – we really learn who she is in The Testaments.

I would love to have one last conversation with my mom or dad. My mother died four years ago in November and I miss her deeply. My father died when I was 18, so it would be beautiful to tell him how much I love him. The way I was raised, he already knows about my acting career. Because he’s in heaven so he’s aware of everything that’s going on and has helped me along the way.

The Testaments is available to stream on Disney+ from 8 April

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