I thought I’d be dead by 25. So being able to guest edit Big Issue is a dream and a blessing

Once upon a time there was a Nigerian scammer and a crackhead… 

…they met and created a monster. 

But before that moment, way before that moment, was me, aged six, trying to figure out life making an ashtray out of clay in my art class at school. Under my chicken-shaped cigarette extinguisher lay a copy of Big Issue. Wallace & Gromit: The Wrong Trousers had been released with a full interview, taking about how fucking patient you really have to be to make real art. 

I ‘read’ the article, looked at the cover, skimmed the bit about music and thought, one day I’m going to be in this magazine, something never really believed would be a reality. In fairness I was sure I would be dead by 25 (I’m 36 now) so all of this, for me, is a dream and a blessing.  

When I was asked to put this together… I shit myself at the thought of it. The overwhelming task of figuring out how to even write this intro crippled me with anxiety. But what does Big Issue represent? Well to me they stand for the underdog, the downtrodden and forgotten, and they do a fucking good job of helping the people who need it the most. I can say that because that was me. 

I was a paranoid psychotic mess scratching around Tottenham, finding weird and wonderful ways of acquiring a substance that made me ill, and seeing no end to that journey. It took a lot to get clean, but the incredible things that have materialised from it still blows my mind today. 

I had nothing to fall back on but knew how to paint a bit, so I just went at that the only way I knew how. Which meant sleepless nights working in sheds, pretending it was a studio and just trying
to figure it out. Same way I did when I was on the street. You adapt and move forward accordingly. 

During this process I realised everything I went through I could somehow cathartically translate onto a canvas. 

Repeat processes have ruled my life and I find comfort in repeat action. Apparently Einstein said, “Insanity is repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different outcome.” 

Well, I lived by that rule for YEARS and over time realised that I could take that concept and turn it into something positive in my life. I played on that idea visually through my work and that became my drive and my reason to paint. 

Read more:

• Graffiti writer 10Foot on finding meaning in the ugly and his ‘disgustingly deep love of London’
• ‘Love is the most powerful emotion there is’: Artist Opake on homelessness, addiction and Christmas
• How art gave me space to explore my experiences of homelessness and my identity

For me great work comes from personal experience. I paint and find narrative through iconography to convey how I feel and my own lived experience… either that or I’m still psychotic and feeding my addiction, painting Mickey Mouse on repeat hoping it will one day work out… you decide? 

But I would still consider myself an ‘underdog’, and I think everyone I’ve curated in this magazine has that element to them which makes me love them and what they do even more.  

So back to the Nigerian… Slawn is a wild boy for sure – but genuinely one of the greatest humans I’ve had the privilege to call a friend and someone I look up to within this fickle industry. He carved a big chunk out of it while openly saying he fucking hates it, and to take the piss even more he paints like
a six-year-old.  

We were never going to create anything safe, wasn’t going to work like that.

Love or hate this edition, I feel honoured to have been asked to do this and showcase some artists who I think are excellent and deserve everything that they have worked tirelessly for, but moreover I want to thank Big Issue for their undeniable work and also giving this once-lost youth a voice.  

Enjoy the interviews because every one of them is a warrior and maybe there’s something there
that could help. Who knows? And regards to the hentai… you’re welcome (Slawn made me do it).

Do you have a story to tell or opinions to share about this? Get in touch and tell us more. 

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